Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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