ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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