If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
