Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
