Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
