thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
