And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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