Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
So squirting runs in the family.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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