Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
