i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
