I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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