FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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