it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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