trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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