3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
