Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
