if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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