Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
