Umm I'm too high to move.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
It's shark week go big or go home
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
