At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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