you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
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