sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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