He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
