He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
