You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
