i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
should my penis look like a turkey
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
