So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
