....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
