Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
