i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
