Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
