her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
