I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
