i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I'm at about main and main street
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
