I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
