Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
