I didn't shave. On purpose
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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