Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
