I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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