you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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