I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
