Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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