dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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