I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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