I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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