Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
