It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
