Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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