Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
