so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
he had hair everywhere except his balls
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
