I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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